That Person Who Irritates You Could Be Your Greatest Teacher

By Angela Baucom

“The teacher you need is the person you’re living with.” ~Byron Katie 

On the bus home from Disney World, my best friend sputtered, “Angela, you are such a huge control freak!”

First, I went into an angry rage. I accused her, “How dare you call me a control freak! I planned this whole trip.”

Next, I resorted to pouting and pointing my finger at her, listing every possible way she was the control freak.

I was in complete victim mode. Classic, right? Little did I know that this incident would be an important self-growth tool for me.

She returned to her seat and I started to reflect on her comment in silence. I realized that I was indeed a massive control freak. I planned everything. For example, in group projects, I volunteered to do all the work so I would get a good grade instead of trusting my teammates.

I’ve come to realize that constantly trying to control people is very harmful. They stop believing that you trust them and let you do all the work. I am not superman and people are capable of stepping up. 

The same goes with life situations. I’ve had a lot of success living in the life I want, because I’m very assertive and control situations. But honestly, it makes me miserable and I would much rather sit and back and let the universe take care of it.

My mother always told me that what you resist or dislike in someone else can usually be found in yourself. I realized the qualities that I found annoying in other people, especially my father, were his controlling qualities. Then I realized that those qualities were very prominent in myself.

I know now it had to take someone as close as my best friend to wake me up and realize how much I tried to control situations. She’s a friend who knows everything about me and, therefore, I hold her opinion very highly in mind.

I could have been a victim and blamed her for being cruel or picking out my greatest faults. Instead, I sincerely appreciate her for opening my eyes into how much self-work I still needed to do. 

When I look back on my life, I can see how all of my relationships have taught me so many lessons. My ex-boyfriend and I got together like most young couples, looking for someone to fix the other and fill up an empty hole that we could only fill.

Instead, we ended up being extremely codependent and very unhappy. I did not treat myself well during that period of time, and he reflected that perfectly to me by treating me exactly how I treated myself.

Now, I try and love myself to the fullest and am more confident than I’ve been in a long time. I am so thankful that he came into my life and demonstrated to me how I treated myself. He was a mirror and the perfect partner I needed at that time in my life.

I went back even further and examined the difficult relationship I have with my father. We have never been close and since childhood I’ve always been resentful of his, in my opinion, mean-spirited nature and how distant he seemed to me.

Now, I realize that he has been such a gift in my life. If I had never felt that pain, I probably would have never gone to see my life coach and found my inner light and source. I am so thankful that he brought me to her! What a different way to look at it.

I’m not saying you should stay in an unhealthy relationship. There are certainly relationships and friendships that are worth avoiding.

I do believe, though, that people come and go into our lives for certain reasons. And instead of perceiving their existence in our lives as negative, we should learn to see the positive differences they have made.

I can assure you that holding onto resentment for someone in your past or present really only ends up hurting up you in the long run.

So what do you do now? You forgive. You forgive yourself. You forgive the people who you believe caused transgressions against you in your life.

When I realized that I am indeed a control freak; I forgave myself; I didn’t beat myself up. I look forward to letting that quality go in my life, but it served me a great purpose in my past. When I was weaker, it served as a great defense mechanism and made me feel important and in charge.

Now I know that I am not in charge and can move on and eagerly wait for the next the relationships and friendships in my life to continue to teach me how to constantly improve myself.

Couple arguing image via Shutterstock

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-person-who-irritates-you-could-be-your-greatest-teacher/

10 Motivation Tips that Yield Big Results

It can be really hard to stay focused sometimes and stay motivated. It sucks when you want to finish something, but you can’t seem to find the motivation to get it done.

I guess, you can say that is why I created this post: it is going to share with you 10 ways you can stay motivated and push through the hard times.

1. Give Yourself a Reward
Hard work is excellent, but you will run out of energy. That is why I find it crucial to give yourself rewards in order to be successful.

All work and no play makes for a dull day. (ha, that rhymed) Go and give yourself a day off and relax, or maybe go get dinner at that amazing restaurant you have been wanting to go to.

Or just give yourself a day at the spa.  Either way, pick something you can reward yourself with, and then do it.

2. Spend Time with Friends and Family
If you are constantly working and you feel demotivated to do anything, it might be because you haven’t seen your family or friends in awhile.

I know for me and many others that just being around friends and having a good time, can really give you a much needed break and help you have a little fun on top of all of that work.

3. Try Something New
Ever felt like you are doing the same thing, just on a different day? I have. It sucks, because life is about being spontaneous and trying new things out.

Sometimes often more than not we get caught up in the routine of life. That is why I find it vital to try something new in order to revive your motivation.

It could be going on a new hiking trail, going scuba diving, maybe taking a cooking class that you have been wanting to take: moral of the story? Try something new!

4. Get Excited
How cliche. But I think most people don’t realize that maybe you have to try and be excited about a goal in order to get out of your slump. Sometimes it takes a little inspiration to get excited (which you can read at #5) but it’s not impossible and you would be surprised at how much motivation you will have if you are excited about your goals.

I find that when I talk to others about my goals and read more success stories that I tend to be more excited about the goal.

Think about it, if more people know about what you are doing, and you accomplish that goal, then you have more people to share your success with.

5. Find Inspiration
For me, inspiration comes in many forms. For instance, I get inspired by reading other people’s success stories, but I also find inspiration when I read a new book.

Success stories show you that it isn’t impossible to be a success, and books can open the door to imagination and allow you to be creative.

Here are a few things that might just inspire you…

1. A family member (my grandma always inspired me to be a better person and to strive for excellence)
2. Charity or volunteering (I recently went to a food harvesting charity where my group and I were able to package up 10,000 pounds of food to send out to family who are in need, this inspired me to give back to my community and to others who are in need)
3. Teachers (I feel bad for some of my teachers who helped me, but they inspired me to get more out of life)
4. Superman or other super heroes (I know it may sound silly, but sometimes when you look towards others who can do anything it might just inspire you to get off your rump and get things done)

6. Stick with It
I know how it feels to be tired and drained and not want to do something. But I find that my motivation peaks when I push through the hard times because I have proven to myself that I can do it.

Commit to yourself that you will work on accomplishing your goal(s) every day. Speaking of commitment…

7. Commit Publicly
You will have a much more harder time dropping a goal if you commit to it publicly. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to have a giant speaking event to commit to your goal, but it could be as easy as putting it on Facebook, or sharing it with family and friends.

Trust me, none of us like to look bad in front of others. This method will keep you accountable and will hopefully motivate you to stick with your goal because you don’t want to fail in front of others.

8. Don’t be Afraid to Ask for Help
Everybody’s motivation will drop, but it’s not a matter of when, rather it’s a matter of allowing yourself to ask for help so that you can refuel your motivation.

It can be as easy as emailing someone who will listen and inspire you (you can even email me if you want!), or joining an online forum, or posting to Facebook asking for guidance.

Don’t be afraid to ask for advice, just do it.

9. Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive Thoughts
Negativity doesn’t help anyone. However optimism can help. It is important to take note of your daily thoughts and how you think of yourself and your ability to accomplish a goal.

If you are consistently saying that you are dumb or that you aren’t smart enough, then you are only fooling yourself and holding yourself back.

Instead of saying “I’m dumb,” just say “if this dumbie Kevin can do it, then I can too!” It may seem silly at first, but it will work.

10. Write a Thank You Note to Someone
I love writing thank you notes to others because it makes me feel happier, and typically if you are feeling happier then you will have more energy to be motivated.

Listen, sending a thank you note doesn’t have to be a huge letter or long drawn out story. It could be something like this…

“Dear (insert name),

I wanted to say thank you for helping me with (whatever it is they helped you with), it inspired me or helped me become a better person (writer, singer, etc.) and I appreciate you for that.

You are amazing and thank you so, very much.

Sincerely,

(Your name)”

and boom! You now have a thank you note that you can send out to someone who has helped you out.

Trust me, it can do wonders for boosting your motivation.

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/10-motivation-tips-yield-big-results/

The 4 Psychological Triggers That Catalyze Change

By Matt Jager

“Things do not change; we change.” ~Henry David Thoreau

The world knows no joy like an evangelist with an opening. My eyes lit up as I jumped into my sermon on the incredible power of lifestyle change.

The year previous I had decided it was time to take charge of my health, and I had made some big changes.

I transitioned to a whole food diet, put plants at the center of my plate, started meditating regularly, and began attending yoga classes multiple times a week.

I was absolutely astounded at how the synergy of these three lifestyle changes completely transformed my quality of life.

So when my friends began asking me to what I owed my newfound glow, I couldn’t wait to endow them with the key to lasting health, effortless weight loss, and inner peace.

And so my lecture would begin. “It’s so simple! Just change your diet, start exercising, oh and don’t forget to meditate every day!”

Can you guess how many people I converted? Not a one. My regretful interlocutor would begin to nervously shift their weight, looking for any opportunity to end the conversation.

Finally, the realization made its way through my thick skull that everyone already knew that they should be eating right and exercising.

The last thing they wanted was to listen to someone else preach the values of diet, meditation, and exercise—what they already knew that they should be doing.

So I finally learned that knowledge isn’t enough to trigger a lifestyle change.

Despite knowing full well the value of yoga, meditation, and eating veggies, few people are able to make and sustain such changes, especially with career obligations, social engagements, and the other demands of modern life.

So I was left with a conundrum. What was it that had allowed me to make these changes? What was I missing in helping others to realize the same health benefits and increased quality of life?

I became obsessed with answering these questions, and thus a quest was born. A few months later I packed up my life and moved to Arizona to work for a holistic healing center.

I spent the next four years at the Tree of Life center in Patagonia, Arizona, where individuals are taught yoga, meditation, and a plant-based diet as a healing modality. I supported hundreds of people as they adopted the same lifestyle changes that I underwent, and the results have been powerful.

But what I was most interested in exploring was not the effects of diet, yoga, and meditation, but rather understanding what allows individuals to make and sustain these changes in their lives.

Why were some able to take these holistic health practices back into their busy everyday lives when they left the center? Why were some successful when others continued to struggle?

I devoured every book on the science of behavior change that I could get my hands on, and had the incredible opportunity of applying the principles in a real life setting.

The takeaway? Behavior change itself is a skill, and there are certain psychological triggers that we can employ to kickstart the process. Anyone can learn these triggers and cultivate the ability to make healthy changes that are sustainable and lasting.

Here are the four best ways to catalyze change:

1. Start small and celebrate success.

Healthy habits are the bedrock of lasting and sustainable health. Why? Because once established, they no longer require willpower to maintain.

But what is the best way to create a habit?

Stanford psychologist BJ Fogg has pioneered an extremely effective behavior change method that he calls Tiny Habits.

The premise? Start small and celebrate your successes.

Want to cook more plant-based meals? Start with putting a recipe book out on the counter on Sundays.

Want to start meditating? Start with just three breaths every time you sit down at the computer.

These tiny actions may seem insignificant, but by starting small we remove the biggest barrier to change—simply getting started.

Engineering (and celebrating) early success is key in reinforcing the creation of new habits and also motivates us to make bigger changes in the future.

Tiny habits transform into big habits, which cascade into big life changes.

2. Understand the motivation myth.

The key to changing behavior is motivation, right? We need to be motivated to cook healthy food, to go to the gym, to wake up early and study.

Not exactly.

Motivation naturally waxes and wanes, and psychologists have found that trying to change how motivated you are at any given moment is hard. Really hard.

The better bet is to use times of high motivation strategically.

Everyone has periods of peak productivity, and the best way to leverage these times of high motivation is to do something that helps structure future behavior.

Next time you find yourself having a super productive day, use that motivation to sign up for a weekly yoga class, invite an interested friend over to explore healthy cooking every Sunday, or plan a plant-based potluck.

These are all examples of setting up future events that will help keep you on track. Using your existing motivation to create accountability and social support increases follow through.

3. Get laser focused on one big win.

The archnemesis of healthy change is a pernicious little devil called overwhelm.

Take getting healthy for example: There are thousands of different dietary theories, conflicting health information, and more exercise programs than I can count.

Should you be fasting one day a week? Eating a low-carb or low-fat diet? Doing yoga? Jumpstarting yourself with a cleanse? Doing three hours of cardio weekly? Eating plant-based meals? Weight training?

The options are endless and analysis paralysis can easily set in.

Focusing on one big win is about identifying what is going to give you the greatest result for the least amount of effort.

For weight loss, a great “big win” is to focus on meals that are low in caloric density, i.e. plant-powered dishes which include a wide range of veggies, beans, grains, and greens.

You can eat as much of these nourishing, delicious, hearty foods as you like and make sustainable progress toward your goal weight.

Whatever your goal, find what gives you the biggest bang for your buck and ruthlessly cut back everything else.

Simplicity empowers change.

4. Learn one thing at a time.

In their book Switch: How To Change Things When Change Is Hard, authors Chip and Dan Heath share some surprising truths about change.

For me, the most interesting revelation is as follows: What looks like resistance is actually a lack of clarity.

When taking up healthy habits, there is almost always a learning curve.

We might go the gym, but we don’t really know how to work out.

We want to cook healthier meals, but the recipe is full of exotic ingredients we’ve never heard of before.

And we most often resist making these changes not because we are unmotivated, but because we don’t see a clear path forward. We don’t know the exact steps to take to begin eating better, exercising, or sitting down to meditate.

The best way to reduce the resistance and get started? Break down the task in front of you into baby steps and learn one thing at a time.

If you are interested in cooking healthier meals, first learn how to shop. Add a new-to-you ingredient to your list every time you go to the store.

Once shopping is a breeze, then devote time to learning to cook up a few quick, easy, and delectable healthy recipes.

Breaking down the learning curve into easy, manageable steps is one of the best ways to catalyze change.

The most important takeaway here is the understanding that behavior change is a skill that can be learned and cultivated.

There is no secret source of motivation, willpower, or discipline that some have and others don’t. Apply these psychological triggers and you’ll be well on your way to creating healthy habits that are sustainable and lasting.

- See more at: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-4-psychological-triggers-that-catalyze-change/#sthash.YRpPadXm.dpuf

5 Things You Can Do To Overcome A Bad Decision

by Theresa Ho | 10 comments

“Stop beating yourself up.  You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” – Unknown

When I left my corporate job to pursue my passion business, I was so psyched and eager to get it moving.   I was so hungry to have my new website up and running that I was saying “Yes” to everything. I thought this would help accelerate the process of making money doing what I love.

I got caught up with my desperation to see results, thinking I am going to defy what others say: “it takes time to get your business up and running.”

I signed up for everything, as I was determined to absorb all the information I can and put the knowledge to work.  I even signed up and paid a huge lump sum for web and marketing services with someone who I thought would really provide value without doing my due diligence and checking references.  After all, he hung around many people who I respected, so I got lazy and thought to myself I should be fine.

What ended up happening was my gut was right, the web and marketing services I received was not up to par with my expectations.  My heart ached knowing I paid way too much for the amount of time I spent on the follow ups and my expectations of the service provided.  I needed to relieve myself from the sense of disappointment I felt.

The thing is the more I thought about how I needed to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up, the more wound up I got wound up and let it bother me.

I asked my mentor about this and she said, “well what is keeping you stuck?” I said my judgment towards myself, and my business success is being based on one poor decision I made.

Mentor:  Does this belief empower or disempower you?

Me: Disempower

Mentor: What belief can you have instead to help empower you?

Me: I will be successful despite of a bad decision.

As the words came out of me, I was delighted to receive this insight from within.

As the conversation continued, many more nuggets of wisdom surfaced that served as great reminders on how you can shift your mindset and relieve yourself from a decision you regret.

1. Remember your Passion.

This is about restoring your focus on your end goal instead of the problem. When you have your eyes on the end goal, and why is it important for you to achieve what it is you want, your mind will start to seek solutions instead of dwell in the circumstance.   Your tenacity kicks in and this is what keeps you unstuck and drives you forward in getting things done when the going gets tough.

2. See Mistakes as Mis(s)-Takes

I love this concept because it encourages us to experiment and explore. From our mistakes or failures, there’s always a lesson to be learned to help us grow. This is the gem when we are able to accept our “Miss” Take and seek the lesson in the Mistake.  In doing so, we shift our energy resourcefully towards focusing on the next steps in getting back on track, rather than using our energy in an un-resourceful way.

3. Nothing is permanent in life. This too shall pass.

Change is a constant in life. It is a bit surreal and uncanny when you think about it, because moment to moment things can change, which means each moment is a start of something new. When things are going well in your life, you try and savor the moment as long as can, because you know things can change.  On the other hand, when things aren’t going the way you want, you can’t wait for change.  In essence, there is no point to get attached to something, but to appreciate change.  When you do, it puts you in the driver seat in taking charge of your next move.

4. Get a mentor or call a trusted friend.

As human beings, it is our innate nature to want to connect with one another, share our experiences and feel supported in our lives. The key is to surround yourself with people who are positive influences and provides you with objective insights that inspire and challenges you to be at your best. 

5. Forgive yourself.

Accept your own apology. We often focus on the idea of forgiving others, why not forgive ourselves for making a bad decision and restore the love for ourselves?  We not only will feel more at peace and less stressed, but it also positively affects our mental and physical well-being.

* * *

Don’t let a bad decision bring you down.  Reclaim your power and put it to good use, in ways that make you feel good and free.  What do you do to get over a bad decision

http://www.thechangeblog.com/bad-decision/

5 Motivation Secrets of Successful People

by Ajax Oliver on January 27, 2015 in Goals, Success

Because motivation is such a powerful, driving force, it is one of the most important elements of the corporate world and can be the difference between failure and success. However, since no two individuals are ever alike, whatever you use for motivation may not work for others, especially in business. Motivation enables individuals to overcome the challenges of setting and accomplishing goals in their lives by taking consistent action to do so.

Two Types of Motivation

It is important to understand that motivation takes two forms.

On the one hand, there is external motivation or certain factors around you that drive it such as earning more money than you did the prior year or receiving a prestigious award. On the other hand, we have internal motivation which are those coming from within. These forces can be connected to our emotions, feelings, or thoughts.

Why is staying Motivated so Difficult?

Staying motivated takes a considerable amount of energy and effort. Consequently, it is easy to get frustrated and lose that motivation. There are three primary reasons why individuals lose their motivation and fail to be successful:

They lack direction and cannot comprehend where they are going.
They lack focus and cannot master what they set out to do.
They lack self-confidence and don’t believe that they can achieve their goals.

Remember, motivation is what provides us with the power to complete our goals, conquer our shortcomings and be successful. Without motivation, it is likely that you will have a great deal of difficulty in achieving your business, financial, and personal goals in life.

Accomplishment through Motivation

There are certain aspects, elements, and features of motivation than enable us to accomplish a wide range of things in our lives. Here are 5 that you should be aware of:

1) Inspiration – this is what drives us to accomplishing our goals in life. Your business will be negatively affected if you lose an interest in it and lose your motivation to maintain it. On the other hand, you’re business could prosper significantly when you’re excited about it and love what you do. Plus you will increase your energy level by staying motivated.

2) Keep up your momentum – when it seems like you have little or no energy left, it is easy to lose your momentum. Motivation is the only thing that will help you keep going when this happens and is especially vital during those more challenging times. For instance, we have a considerable difficulty keeping up our momentum and staying motivated when the task we are trying to complete is boring and uninteresting.

3) Networking can be inspirational – there is something about getting together with a group of fellow businesspeople in a networking environment that breeds motivation and reminds us why we started our companies in the first place. Whether in-person or online, it is important that you connect with these individuals on a regular basis. It’s a time where you can offer share ideas, support to one another, and even form partnerships in business ventures together.

4) Reward yourself – this is one of the most overlooked points where motivation is concerned. So from time to time, it is important to reward yourself so you don’t get burned out. Give yourself a break occasionally and step away from your work. It’s important to take time away from the job so you can refresh, rejuvenate, and renew yourself as well as stay motivated.

5) Setting goals in your business – in order to remain focused on their business plan, businesses will set long-term, mid-term, and short-term goals. These goals are what set your company’s course for the future and provide you with written perspectives of your business strategies and goal deadlines.

5 Tips for staying Motivated

In order to remain motivated and persevere in your business or personal endeavors, a bit of emotional mastery is required in order to continue pursuing your goals. You might find the following 5 tips helpful in this area:

Develop a support community – if you’re going to be successful in business, it is important that you surround yourself with others who support your efforts. Make sure that you surround yourself with like-minded individuals who have positive attitudes and goals that are similar to your own. Celebrate your successes and wins together as well as what you have learned from one another. When supporting one another, you should be brainstorming and masterminding your newest ideas and innovations.

Focus on the “why” – not only is it important to focus on your goals because of what you want to achieve, you should also stay focused on why you want to achieve them. Ask yourself what positive rewards will come from achieving them and why they are so vital to your business. Whenever applicable, you should identify why your goals make your business better.

No matter how big or small, acknowledge all of your wins – it’s easy to do this when you experience a large scale win and want to celebrate your success. However, remember that the larger wins are made up of numerous smaller ones and continually moving forward. It’s okay to relish in every accomplishment no matter how big or small. Just don’t overdo it.

Re-define failure – most people make the mistake of focusing on their failures or what they did wrong and the cause of that failure. When this happens, why not focus on what you learned from each of your failures instead. From a learning perspective, every failure is a type of success that you can benefit from by not repeating your mistakes. There are lessons to be learned here. Embrace them.

Savor every moment you can – when people set out to accomplish their long-term goals, they oftentimes make the mistake of setting their sights too high or their deadlines too far off. However, you can still enjoy what you are doing and stay excited about it. Take the time to savor every moment that you can during your journey towards achieving your goals. Don’t overlook those off-the-beaten path moments and explore those little nooks and crannies.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2015/01/5-motivation-secrets-successful-people.html

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HOW TO REMAIN CALM UNDER PRESSURE & OVERCOME PROBLEMS IN 9 STEPS

 January 14, 2015 by Brian Tracy 
 Personal Success  how to overcome problems,  how to solve problems in life

Recently Kenny from Facebook asked me,

“How do you stay motivated and keep your cool when things are going badly around you?”

Here are some tips on how to stay positive and motivated when times get tough and you face problems. If you want to learn how to overcome your problems and stay motivated, keep reading…

1) DON’T BLAME OTHERS

To be your own turnaround specialist, to take complete control over your life in a crisis, the first thing you must do is to accept 100% responsibility for yourself and for everything that happens from this minute forward.

Accept responsibility and take charge. You especially must keep yourself positive and focused. You do this by reminding yourself and repeating these words:

‘‘I am responsible! I am responsible! I am responsible!’’

Above all, refuse to blame anyone for anything. Anger and negative emotions of all kinds are dependent upon blame for their very existence. As soon as you stop blaming other people for what has happened and take responsibility for the future, your negative emotions cease, your mind becomes calm and clear, and you begin to make better decisions.

As soon as you stop blaming other people for what has happened and take responsibility for the future, your negative emotions cease, your mind becomes calm and clear, and you begin to make better decisions.

2) HOW TO REMAIN CALM UNDER PRESSURE

The starting point of staying calm under pressure is for you to refuse to react automatically and unthinkingly. Instead, take a deep breath to calm your mind and then think carefully about your next words and actions. Imagine that everyone is watching.

Imagine that everyone is watching. Imagine that this situation is a test to see what you are truly made of. Imagine that everyone is waiting to see how you will respond.

Resolve to set a good example, to be a role model for others, to demonstrate the correct way to deal with a major problem, as if you were giving a lesson.

3) GET THE FACTS

Instead of overreacting, keep yourself calm by asking questions of the other people involved. Listen patiently to the answers.

If there is a solution, your job is to find it by fully understanding what has happened before you respond.

4) ASK QUESTIONS

Ask key questions and listen carefully to the answers. Here are some that will help you get at the facts: What is the situation exactly?

• What is the situation exactly?
• What has happened?
• How did it happen?
• When did it happen?
• Where did it happen?
• What are the facts?
• How do we know that these facts are accurate?
• Who was involved?
• Who is responsible for doing (or not doing) certain things?

The very act of asking questions and gathering facts keeps you calm and increases your courage and confidence.

The more facts you have, the stronger and more capable you will feel about making good decisions to solve the problem and get through the crunch.

5) WRITE IT DOWN

Begin by asking, ‘‘What, exactly, is the problem?’’ If you are working by yourself, write down a clear statement of the problem on a piece of paper.

We find that if you can get the problem down on paper it starts to solve itself. Then write down what all of the possible solutions to the problem.

You will find that when you write out your problem and solutions, you will be able to identify the best way to solve it quickly. It may not seem like a problem at all after you write it down.

6) TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT

By trying something different or taking a different approach to solving a problem. You may find a new, more beneficial way to go about things.

When something fails, by taking a different approach and solving what went wrong the first time, will help you improve over the long run.

7) COMMUNICATE WITH OTHERS

Sometimes, talking over the problem with a spouse or trusted friend will help immensely to keep you calm and controlled. Go for a long walk and review the situation, examining it from every angle, seeking a possible solution. Remain optimistic, no matter what is going on.

Look for something good in the problem or situation. Very often, what appears to be a major setback is an opportunity in disguise. The complete failure of a project, process, or business venture may be exactly what you need because it may compel you to channel your time and resources in another direction.

8) MAKE A DECISION

No matter what happens, seek the valuable lesson in every difficulty and setback.

Within every problem you face, there is the seed of an equal or greater benefit or advantage. When you discipline yourself to look for the good in the situation, and to seek the valuable lessons that the situation or crisis might contain, you automatically remain calm, positive, and optimistic.

As a result, all the powers of your wonderful mind remain available to you to solve the problem or resolve the crisis.

9) GET BUSY SOLVING THE PROBLEM

Get so busy taking action that and solving the problem and bringing about a solution, that you don’t have time to worry or think about the problem anymore. The only real antidote to worry, is purposeful action in the direction of your goals.

Instead of becoming upset or doubting yourself and your abilities, decide to take action, any action, to resolve the difficulty and get yourself through the crunch. Remind yourself that problems come not to obstruct, but to instruct. Related article: The 10-Step Process to Solve Any Problem

CONCLUSION

When times get tough and you are faced with any of life’s complicated problems, stay motivated knowing that using this technique you can recognize and develop strategies to solve any problem.http://www.briantracy.com/blog/personal-success/how-to-remain-calm-under-pressure-overcome-problems-in-9-steps/?lid=title

Stephen Covey on Developing Emotional Intelligence

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ? Oscar Wilde
Emotional Intelligence is essentially an ability, capacity, or skill to assess, manage, and regulate the emotions of yourself and others.
Why is emotional intelligence such a big deal? …
If you can’t manage your emotions, you crumble or snap under stress. If you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t motivate or inspire yourself effectively to do the things you need to do.  If you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t use your best thinking.  You get stuck in your lizard brain, and cut off from your ability to respond more effectively when it counts.
If you can’t tune into others’ emotions and demonstrate empathy, you’ll have a hard time connecting with others.  You’ll have a hard time creating rapport.  If you can’t see and feel the emotions of others, then you’ll have a hard time influencing or leading others effectively.  As a manager, you’ll be the pointy-haired boss.
Yeah, emotional intelligence is a big deal.
It’s a key for leaders and it’s a key for leadership.  Whether it’s self-leadership, or leading others, emotional intelligence picks up where other intelligence leaves off.  To put it another way …
“”No one cares how much you know until they first know how much you care about them.” (See The Only Management Strategy You’ll Ever Need)
In the book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Stephen Covey acknowledges that there’s a lack of literature on how to develop emotional intelligence, and shares an approach for how to develop emotional intelligence using the 7 Habits.

The Five Primary Components of Emotional Intelligence

Stephen Covey shares the five primary components of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness — The ability to reflect on one’s own life, grow in self-knowledge, and use that knowledge to improve onseself and either consume or compentsate for weaknesses.
2. Personal Motivation — What really excites people — the vision, values, goals, hopes, desires, and passion that make up their priorities.
3. Self-Regulation — The ability to manage onseself twoard achieving one’s vision and values.
4. Empathy — The ability to see how other people see and feel about things.
5. Social Skills — How people resolve differences, solve problems, produce creative solutions, and interact optimally to further their joint purposes.

The 7 Habits and Principles

According to Stephen Covey, here is a simple look at the 7 Habits and the principles that they encapsulate:

Habit	Principle
Habit 1 – Be Proactive	Responsibility / Initiative
Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind	Vision / Values
Habit 3 – Put First Things First	Integrity / Execution
Habit 4 – Think Win-Win	Mutual Respect / Benefit
Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood	Mutual Understanding
Habit 6 – Synergize	Creative Cooperation
Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw	Renewal

Developing Emotional Intelligence Using the 7 Habits

Stephen Covey shares an approach to developing emotional intelligence using the 7 Habits outlines above:

Emotional Intelligence Component	Habit
Self-Awareness	Habit 1 – Be Proactive
Personal Motivation	Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind
Self-Regulation	Habit 3 – Put First Things First Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw
Empathy	Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Social Skills	Habit 4 – Think Win-Win Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood Habit 6 – Synergize

Practicing Your Emotional Intelligence with the 7 Habits

Here is a brief summary of how Stephen Covey says you can practice the 7 Habits to develop your emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness – Covey says, “You are aware of the space between stimulus and response, you’re aware of your genetic, biological inheritance, your upbringing, and the environmental forces around you. … You  sense you are or can become the creative force of your own life.  This is your most fundamental decision.” Practice Habit 1 – Be Proactive.
2. Personal Motivation – Covey says, “… decide what your highest priorities, goals, and values are. … This decision to direct your own life is your primary decision.” Practice Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind.
3. Self-Regulation – Covey says, “ … once you decide what your priorities are, then you live by them; it is the habit of integrity, the habit of self-mastery, of doing what you intend to do; of living your values.  Then constantly renew yourself.  Execution strategies and tactical decisions are your secondary decisions.” Practice Habit 3 – Put First Things First and Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw.
4. Empathy – Covey says, “It’s learning to transcend your own autobiography  and get into the head and hearts of other people.  It’s becoming socially sensitive and aware of the situation before attempting to be understood, influence others, or make decisions or judgments.” Practice Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
5. Social Communication Skills – Covey says, “You think in terms of mutual benefit and mutual respect, you strive for mutual understanding in order to have creative cooperation.” Practice Habit 4 – Think Win-Win, Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, and Habit 6 – Synergize.

One simple way you can practice each day is when you are talking.  See if you can echo back what you hear the other person say, in a way that they “feel” heard.  This is a big deal.  It’s not listening until you think you’ve heard them … it’s listening in a way where they *feel* you’ve heard them.
The difference, is all the difference.  That’s what this is about.http://sourcesofinsight.com/stephen-covey-on-developing-emotional-intelligence/