12 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself And Must Stop Now

12 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself And Must Stop Nowo

Do you know your lies can become your truth? Yes, they can, if you repeat them long enough and believe them hard enough.

When you allow your dreams to die, your life becomes meaningless, unfulfilling and sad. You are robbed of your joy, your happiness, your gifts and your purpose for being here. Many people live and die and never fulfilled their purpose because they believe the lies others told them.

There are so many people with untapped potential and ingenious ideas who will never realize they do because they were lied to and have accepted those lies as the truth.

That’s what happens when you have been told over and over again that you couldn’t accomplish your goals and aspirations.

Once you believe those lies, they will become self-fulfilling prophesies. They then become your truth.

You accept them as the way things are going to be.
Have you ever stop to consider why you are the way you are or why you do the things you do? Many times the lie you were told as a child have taken root and your truth are all lies.

Most of us were lied to as children by adults who told us that we wouldn’t amount to anything. Then, you had no control over how you felt about yourself but as an adult you can change the way you see yourself.
Today is the day to correct all the lies you’ve unconsciously accepted as true and live in your truth. Begin the healing process; start living and thriving to be all you can be. It is all up to you now.
You have to disown all the false assumptions about who you are and what you can or cannot do. These are the lies planted in your head, and you have held on to and made your truth. You now have the power to undo all that you were told, and you need to do so now.
Below are just some of the lies you were told that you now need to think of as lies and to believe otherwise:-

1. They can do that, but you can’t
Think about it seriously, we all have been there and done it. We see successful people and many times said to ourselves they can but not us. Why not you? What separates them from you, but you believe that indeed you can’t. That is a lie, and you need to know it. You need to turn that lie around and say to yourself today – if they can do it ……so can I.

2. In order to do B, I must do A first
How many times we have had dreams of accomplishing something, and we kill those dreams because we’ve been told that in order to do it, we must accomplish something else first. That is another lie you need to dispel. You want to do B, find a way to do B without accomplishing A or work on both at the same time. Chart your path. That’s a lie you have been telling yourself for so long, and you must now stop believing.

3. I do not feel up to it
That is another lie your mind has been telling you for years. You do not allow your feelings to dictate what you can or cannot do. You are in control of how you feel, and if your temporary mood is telling you not to, you need to change that. You are more powerful than your emotions. You control how you feel and when you feel something. You have the power to get yourself into the mood to complete that task.

4. I am too old/broke/young to change
Your financial state or age should never be the reason not to go after your dreams. Never let your age or financial situation keep you from going after what you want. Look around you, there are people of all ages, financial status going out and doing great things. You need to quit believing those lies and go full force after what you want. It is never too late.

5. It is easier said than done
Indeed, it is easier said than done because if it were easy everybody would have done it. That is something you have to understand. Nothing in life worth having is going to come easy. You need to say to yourself that if I want it I must be prepared to work harder than everyone else. You must want it badly enough to do whatever it takes to get it.

6. I am unlucky
That is an excuse we all use for doing the crazy things we sometimes do. There is no such thing as being lucky. Luck is opportunity meeting preparation. You must be prepared to make your luck. You must work hard and be prepared for opportunities when they arise. Sitting back and waiting for things to happen won’t do. Forge your path in life.

7. Life is unfair
Why would you think such a thing? Nobody has been given a guide on life. How do you know what is or isn’t fair? It is life. You need to be able to see things as normal course of life and not that it is working against you. Who defines what is fair and what isn’t? Everybody has challenges, and that includes you. You are no different from anyone else. You need to get used to the fact that things will happen that you do not like, but that is how life is and work with it.

8. Someone else has done it already
Yes, someone else may have invented something or done something that you thought you would be the first to do. That is alright. Why not improve what has already been done? Find new ways to improve people’s lives with the things that are already done. There is no need to reinvent the wheel, but you can find other uses for the wheel or ways to make it better.

9. I am not smart enough
Some of the most creative, intelligent people were written off by others yet they believed in themselves and their ideas and went out and made things happen. You cannot afford to allow others opinions of you to determine what your life will be. All that matters is how you see yourself and what you want to achieve. No one has to believe in your dream but you. Prove them all wrong.
10. Someone told you, you couldn’t
People will always find reasons why you shouldn’t or can’t do something. Many times, unfortunately, that is the way they think about themselves. They use their self-imposed limitations to judge you. Remember your dreams are yours, and it’s no one’s job to see it through but you. You have to want it badly enough to do what it takes to see it through to fruition.

11. I do not deserve better
Unfortunately, too many of us have bought into the lies that we do not deserve happiness. We have adjusted ourselves to accept mediocrity. We do not believe we deserve love because we weren’t loved growing up or worst since our parents were poor that is all we will be. That is one of the biggest lies ever told. You must believe that you are deserving of the best life has to offer and then make the effort to achieve it. You must constantly tell yourself that you deserve everything good and splendid.

12. I am not good enough
If you believe you aren’t good enough then you will never be good enough. You have to remind yourself that the information that was fed to you before were lies. Now you know better you must accept the fact those were lies and that the truth is you are indeed good enough. You have to tell yourself that if anyone is good enough it’s you. You have to start seeing yourself differently. You must first accept that you are different.

We all have been lied to at some point or another in our lives, but as adults we now need to change our thought pattern and make sure that those lies do not become fulfilling prophesies.
You need to believe the opposite of all the lies you have been told. Keep reminding yourself that you can do all things if you put your mind to it and want it badly enough.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2015/05/12-lies-keep-telling-must-stop-now.html

Conquer Change Part 1

Imagine the apocalypse is upon us.
Let’s say Ebola or some other radical disease has reduced the planets population down to 600 people.
Everyone is likely to die without help and YOU have to make a decision.

A scientist believes she has found a cure, but she isn’t sure.
She has two versions and can’t bear to choose between them.
Her scientific estimates are exact, but she leaves the choice up to you.

Now here are your two options.
Read carefully so you can choose correctly.

1. Cure A is guaranteed to save exactly 200 people.
2. Cure B has a 1/3 probability of saving 600, but a 2/3 probability of saving NO ONE.

The fate future generations is now in your hands.
Which do you pick?

Let me repeat them so you can be sure:
Cure A is guaranteed to save exactly 200 people. 
Cure B has a 1/3 probability of saving 600, but a 2/3 probability of saving NO ONE.

Mark your answer Cure A or B and let’s reimagine the scenario.
Same setup, everyone is going to die without a cure, but this time if you use Cure C it is certain exactly 400 people will die. Cure D has a 1/3 probability of killing no one, but a 2/3 probability killing 600.

Which one do you choose? Yes I’ll repeat:
Cure C it is certain exactly 400 people will die. 
Cure D has a 1/3 probability of killing no one, but a 2/3 probability killing 600.
Now choose.

In the first scenario did you pick Cure A and Cure D in the second?
You realize that both situations presented were actually the same with different framing.
The results showed how quickly we flock to the option that minimizes loss—the one with the least perceived change. Because we’re so opposed to inciting change, logic can go right out the window. Crazy, isn’t it?

In this 2 part series, we are going to help you conquer change.
So why is it that we struggle so much with change?

It is because our brain does not like change.
It prefers the safety, survival and essentially the status quo.

One way to understand this is by looking at our brain’s threat-reward system.
The motivation behind much of our behavior is driven by the desire to minimize threat andmaximize reward. Neuroscientists call this fundamental principle the ‘walk towards, run away’ theory.

When we feel threatened due to a proposed merger, a restructure in the organization or anticipation of a presentation we have to give to a large audience, we are inclined to avoid what seems threatening, rather than embrace it. We feel uncertain, our brains focus on the negative and we find ways to disengage.

Our brains are extremely effective in tenaciously maintaining the status quo.
The design of our brain predisposes us to taking the easy way out.

At the same time we wouldn’t be human if we couldn’t change.
Human society is one of constant change and reinvention.
We evolved from single cell organisms over eons, so adaptation is in our blood.

As modern humans we are geared to life-long learning and growth.
Our brain cells are continually forming new connections and restructuring our perceptions and physiology over time. This process of neuroplasticity happens thousands of times a day, giving us enormous potential to change if we put awareness, effort and commitment into making it happen.

So how do we reprogram our brain to welcome and accept change? In next week’s post I will give you six brain hacks to short circuit your brain’s natural tendency to sabotage your change and get you started on a massive personal transformation. Make sure you are subscribed HEREso you don’t miss out on what transformed my life (and brain!) so that I could start conquering change. Trust me, it’s a good one.

http://darrenhardy.success.com/2015/03/conquer-change-1/

7 Ways to Unmask the Superhero Inside of You

Posted on February 24, 2015 by Leslie Romero Ralph | 

“The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper.” -Aristotle

We are fascinated with superheroes. These daring characters give us something to aspire to.

Even if not human themselves, superheroes represent the essence of being human. Like you and me, they may be flawed, yet theirs are stories of emerging from struggle, conflict, and trauma with amazing gifts.

A superhero offers hope and comfort as we mere mortals make sense of a complex world, and they inspire by illustrating the potential in all of us to be someone great. You see, heroes also exist outside of comic books and the silver screen. Of course, famous leaders, reformers, and philanthropists can be heroes, but countless other ordinary people make an extraordinary impact on someone’s world.

For all of our admiration, we might actually have one advantage over superheroes. Unlike those masked wonders saving the day, we don’t need a secret identity to be heroic (though many of us might underestimate ourselves or keep our talents hidden).

Everyone, even you, has a superhero inside. Here are seven ways to unmask yours.

Find and work at your passion.

Just as each superhero has a mission, we have special talents and interests that we feel passionate about. If you already know where your passion lies, work at it wholeheartedly. The end goal isn’t as important as the time spent doing something with passion.

Whether you want to dedicate more time to a hobby or make a radical career change, make a realistic plan to get yourself there (then act on it). If you are tempted to avoid action out of fear, uncertainty, or self-doubt, acknowledge this and use it as a reminder of how much you care (then keep moving).

If you haven’t found your passion, commit to exploring this. Think about what you would do for free, where you fit in the most, and what you would do no matter what anyone else thought.

You might also list the things you have always dreamed of doing or remember what you wanted to be as a child. Once you have a few ideas, try one. Treat it like an experiment and approach this with an attitude of curiosity.

Stand for something.

Any superhero knows that you need to believe in something and then stand up for those beliefs. Get to know what you believe and why, then stand behind it fully.

What do you value most? Human rights? The environment? Justice? Peace? Support a cause and take action. Speak up for what you believe, and let your actions match your words. Whatever steps you take, let them be taken with honor and respect.

Do good.

Superheroes make a name for themselves by doing good. Good deeds, no matter how small, go a long way toward helping others (and ourselves).

The first step is believing that you can make a difference. Next, do something good with your words and actions. Share a kind word, lend a helping hand, or donate time and resources to a cause you support.

Write your story.

Every superhero has an origin story. What is yours?

Ask yourself how you came to value what you do. Remind yourself of times that you’ve used pain as fuel for growth. Your story may be one of resilience, bravery, or inspiration.

Dreams, challenges, strengths, and aspirations are all part of your story, and this is a story worth sharing. Use the way you express yourself best to give your story a voice.

Don’t let fear become your nemesis.

For every superhero, there is also a supervillain, and for us, fear can be a pretty formidable opponent. Believe in your potential for greatness, and act with courage. This means moving forward even when you feel afraid.

Acknowledge fear’s presence and even listen to what it has to say, but don’t mistake it for the whole story. Understand where your fear may stem from, and move forward anyway.

Don’t stand in your own way by caving in to doubts, insecurities, and the message from others that you can’t. Take healthy risks to expand your comfort zone, and hang in there through discomfort.

Spend quality time alone. 

To hone your super potential, give yourself quality time alone each day. Establish a personal space that gives you a little solitude. This time can be used for reflection, learning, and practicing your talents.

Begin a contemplative practice, such as journaling, meditation, or prayer. Other activities like dance, yoga, art, music, writing, and martial arts are also great avenues of self-exploration and self-expression.

Above all else, conduct yourself with integrity.

Heroes can be distinguished from villains by their integrity and honor. They are committed to doing what is right.

Do what you think is right, even if it isn’t always what is easiest. Treat others with kindness and compassion. Rise above challenges, oppression, and discouragement, and do so with honesty, dignity, and respect.

http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/7-ways-unmask-superhero-inside/

5 Things You Can Do To Overcome A Bad Decision

by Theresa Ho | 10 comments

“Stop beating yourself up.  You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” – Unknown

When I left my corporate job to pursue my passion business, I was so psyched and eager to get it moving.   I was so hungry to have my new website up and running that I was saying “Yes” to everything. I thought this would help accelerate the process of making money doing what I love.

I got caught up with my desperation to see results, thinking I am going to defy what others say: “it takes time to get your business up and running.”

I signed up for everything, as I was determined to absorb all the information I can and put the knowledge to work.  I even signed up and paid a huge lump sum for web and marketing services with someone who I thought would really provide value without doing my due diligence and checking references.  After all, he hung around many people who I respected, so I got lazy and thought to myself I should be fine.

What ended up happening was my gut was right, the web and marketing services I received was not up to par with my expectations.  My heart ached knowing I paid way too much for the amount of time I spent on the follow ups and my expectations of the service provided.  I needed to relieve myself from the sense of disappointment I felt.

The thing is the more I thought about how I needed to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up, the more wound up I got wound up and let it bother me.

I asked my mentor about this and she said, “well what is keeping you stuck?” I said my judgment towards myself, and my business success is being based on one poor decision I made.

Mentor:  Does this belief empower or disempower you?

Me: Disempower

Mentor: What belief can you have instead to help empower you?

Me: I will be successful despite of a bad decision.

As the words came out of me, I was delighted to receive this insight from within.

As the conversation continued, many more nuggets of wisdom surfaced that served as great reminders on how you can shift your mindset and relieve yourself from a decision you regret.

1. Remember your Passion.

This is about restoring your focus on your end goal instead of the problem. When you have your eyes on the end goal, and why is it important for you to achieve what it is you want, your mind will start to seek solutions instead of dwell in the circumstance.   Your tenacity kicks in and this is what keeps you unstuck and drives you forward in getting things done when the going gets tough.

2. See Mistakes as Mis(s)-Takes

I love this concept because it encourages us to experiment and explore. From our mistakes or failures, there’s always a lesson to be learned to help us grow. This is the gem when we are able to accept our “Miss” Take and seek the lesson in the Mistake.  In doing so, we shift our energy resourcefully towards focusing on the next steps in getting back on track, rather than using our energy in an un-resourceful way.

3. Nothing is permanent in life. This too shall pass.

Change is a constant in life. It is a bit surreal and uncanny when you think about it, because moment to moment things can change, which means each moment is a start of something new. When things are going well in your life, you try and savor the moment as long as can, because you know things can change.  On the other hand, when things aren’t going the way you want, you can’t wait for change.  In essence, there is no point to get attached to something, but to appreciate change.  When you do, it puts you in the driver seat in taking charge of your next move.

4. Get a mentor or call a trusted friend.

As human beings, it is our innate nature to want to connect with one another, share our experiences and feel supported in our lives. The key is to surround yourself with people who are positive influences and provides you with objective insights that inspire and challenges you to be at your best. 

5. Forgive yourself.

Accept your own apology. We often focus on the idea of forgiving others, why not forgive ourselves for making a bad decision and restore the love for ourselves?  We not only will feel more at peace and less stressed, but it also positively affects our mental and physical well-being.

* * *

Don’t let a bad decision bring you down.  Reclaim your power and put it to good use, in ways that make you feel good and free.  What do you do to get over a bad decision

http://www.thechangeblog.com/bad-decision/

5 Motivation Secrets of Successful People

by Ajax Oliver on January 27, 2015 in Goals, Success

Because motivation is such a powerful, driving force, it is one of the most important elements of the corporate world and can be the difference between failure and success. However, since no two individuals are ever alike, whatever you use for motivation may not work for others, especially in business. Motivation enables individuals to overcome the challenges of setting and accomplishing goals in their lives by taking consistent action to do so.

Two Types of Motivation

It is important to understand that motivation takes two forms.

On the one hand, there is external motivation or certain factors around you that drive it such as earning more money than you did the prior year or receiving a prestigious award. On the other hand, we have internal motivation which are those coming from within. These forces can be connected to our emotions, feelings, or thoughts.

Why is staying Motivated so Difficult?

Staying motivated takes a considerable amount of energy and effort. Consequently, it is easy to get frustrated and lose that motivation. There are three primary reasons why individuals lose their motivation and fail to be successful:

They lack direction and cannot comprehend where they are going.
They lack focus and cannot master what they set out to do.
They lack self-confidence and don’t believe that they can achieve their goals.

Remember, motivation is what provides us with the power to complete our goals, conquer our shortcomings and be successful. Without motivation, it is likely that you will have a great deal of difficulty in achieving your business, financial, and personal goals in life.

Accomplishment through Motivation

There are certain aspects, elements, and features of motivation than enable us to accomplish a wide range of things in our lives. Here are 5 that you should be aware of:

1) Inspiration – this is what drives us to accomplishing our goals in life. Your business will be negatively affected if you lose an interest in it and lose your motivation to maintain it. On the other hand, you’re business could prosper significantly when you’re excited about it and love what you do. Plus you will increase your energy level by staying motivated.

2) Keep up your momentum – when it seems like you have little or no energy left, it is easy to lose your momentum. Motivation is the only thing that will help you keep going when this happens and is especially vital during those more challenging times. For instance, we have a considerable difficulty keeping up our momentum and staying motivated when the task we are trying to complete is boring and uninteresting.

3) Networking can be inspirational – there is something about getting together with a group of fellow businesspeople in a networking environment that breeds motivation and reminds us why we started our companies in the first place. Whether in-person or online, it is important that you connect with these individuals on a regular basis. It’s a time where you can offer share ideas, support to one another, and even form partnerships in business ventures together.

4) Reward yourself – this is one of the most overlooked points where motivation is concerned. So from time to time, it is important to reward yourself so you don’t get burned out. Give yourself a break occasionally and step away from your work. It’s important to take time away from the job so you can refresh, rejuvenate, and renew yourself as well as stay motivated.

5) Setting goals in your business – in order to remain focused on their business plan, businesses will set long-term, mid-term, and short-term goals. These goals are what set your company’s course for the future and provide you with written perspectives of your business strategies and goal deadlines.

5 Tips for staying Motivated

In order to remain motivated and persevere in your business or personal endeavors, a bit of emotional mastery is required in order to continue pursuing your goals. You might find the following 5 tips helpful in this area:

Develop a support community – if you’re going to be successful in business, it is important that you surround yourself with others who support your efforts. Make sure that you surround yourself with like-minded individuals who have positive attitudes and goals that are similar to your own. Celebrate your successes and wins together as well as what you have learned from one another. When supporting one another, you should be brainstorming and masterminding your newest ideas and innovations.

Focus on the “why” – not only is it important to focus on your goals because of what you want to achieve, you should also stay focused on why you want to achieve them. Ask yourself what positive rewards will come from achieving them and why they are so vital to your business. Whenever applicable, you should identify why your goals make your business better.

No matter how big or small, acknowledge all of your wins – it’s easy to do this when you experience a large scale win and want to celebrate your success. However, remember that the larger wins are made up of numerous smaller ones and continually moving forward. It’s okay to relish in every accomplishment no matter how big or small. Just don’t overdo it.

Re-define failure – most people make the mistake of focusing on their failures or what they did wrong and the cause of that failure. When this happens, why not focus on what you learned from each of your failures instead. From a learning perspective, every failure is a type of success that you can benefit from by not repeating your mistakes. There are lessons to be learned here. Embrace them.

Savor every moment you can – when people set out to accomplish their long-term goals, they oftentimes make the mistake of setting their sights too high or their deadlines too far off. However, you can still enjoy what you are doing and stay excited about it. Take the time to savor every moment that you can during your journey towards achieving your goals. Don’t overlook those off-the-beaten path moments and explore those little nooks and crannies.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2015/01/5-motivation-secrets-successful-people.html

.

Disconnected Days

I have a problem.
A very serious problem.
It’s destroying my (productive) life.
My problem: I am easily seduced.
It seems I am weak.
Every day I set out to be disciplined.
Every day I promise I will not stray.
But every day somehow the siren’s song of email, texts, phone calls and social alerts always prostrate me.
I submit.
I give in.
And once again the grand intentions of my day are squandered in the vortex of reacting to the calls of other people’s agenda.
But no more.
I am no longer going to rely on my good intentions, my well-laid plans for the day or my will power to stay the course.

When I set out into the wide blue ocean of my day, where the siren lay, I am going to tie myself to my mast AND put wax in my ears.
I don’t need to hear their songs at all.
Here is the hard truth…
When I prioritize my day never does checking email or responding to unsolicited communications ever make my list, but somehow, someway it always seems to consume much of my day.
Is this true for you too?
We are living in drastic times.
The sirens have multiplied. They are now everywhere, all around us, all the time.
We sit in front of them all day, we carry them around with us in our pocket and even lay them next to our head as we sleep.
Their songs have never been so loud or so relentless.
Their songs have never been more tantalizing or more seductive.
We live in an era of constant and never ending distraction.
Drastic times require drastic measures.
Thus, my goal for 2015 is: 100 Disconnected Days*.
*Disconnected Day: A day focused on creative production or rest and recovery off the digital communication grid.
Yes, 100 days includes weekends.
I know that doesn’t sound difficult, but in 2014 I had ZERO Disconnected Days.
ZERO days where I was not connected/distracted by email, phone calls, texts or social media communications.
To go from 0 to 100 will be a giant feat.
To have 100 days completely dedicated to creative production and some revitalization will give me the foundation I need to crush the productivity of 2014, which was my most productive year to date.
How about you?
How many truly Disconnected Days did you have in 2014?
How often were the intentions and productive plans of your day sacrificed to the seductive siren’s song of email and the rest?
I invite you to join me on this challenge: 100 Disconnected Days.
Use them to do focused project work and/or to recover and revitalize.
Even just one workday and one weekend day would get you to the goal.
But be warned.
If you do choose to join me, this will be harder than it sounds.
The siren’s songs are so lovely and so beautiful and you are emotionally and psychologically addicted to hearing them.
Even with wax in your ears and your hands and feet bound, you will be tempted to surrender.
You might not think so now, but when you are sailing through your day it will be hard not to stray.
I ask you to keep in mind the incredible production, value and impact you can create once you are no longer under the spell of the wicked mermaids of distraction.
You will need the help of those around you to bind you tighter if they see you trying to wiggle loose.
Below is the auto-responder I have on my email during one of my Disconnected Days.
I suggest you use something similar.
It will keep you honest in the court of public commitment.

Subject: [AUTO] Disconnected…
…from The Matrix
Today is a Disconnected Day*
Know that your message has been received and will be dealt with when I plug back in.
-Darren
*Disconnected Day: A day focused on creative production or rest and recovery off the digital communication grid. Learn more about Disconnected Days here.
2015 Goal: 100 DDs.
This auto-responder helps keep me accountable to this goal.
If you hear from me on a day you receive this auto-responder then I have failed.
P.S. This message is AUTO generated.

Update: As of today I have completed 5 DDs.
Here is what I can report:

• It’s absolutely stupefying what you can get done in a day when you are able to be 100% focused and undisturbed for a full 24 hours. This alone is a HUGE benefit and a reason why everyone should commit to 100 DDs, and every leader should insist each of their people do so as well.
• In the stillness I am able to access a creative depth I would not have otherwise.
• During a DD I experience a great decompression of frenetic energy build up which has all sorts of additional benefits.
• Knowing I am not expected to be available gives me great emotional and psychological relief, thus full access to my power of presence.
• It’s training everyone around me not to be dependent on me, thus taking more leadership themselves
• http://darrenhardy.success.com/2015/01/disconnected-days/ 

Stephen Covey on Developing Emotional Intelligence

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ? Oscar Wilde
Emotional Intelligence is essentially an ability, capacity, or skill to assess, manage, and regulate the emotions of yourself and others.
Why is emotional intelligence such a big deal? …
If you can’t manage your emotions, you crumble or snap under stress. If you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t motivate or inspire yourself effectively to do the things you need to do.  If you can’t manage your emotions, you can’t use your best thinking.  You get stuck in your lizard brain, and cut off from your ability to respond more effectively when it counts.
If you can’t tune into others’ emotions and demonstrate empathy, you’ll have a hard time connecting with others.  You’ll have a hard time creating rapport.  If you can’t see and feel the emotions of others, then you’ll have a hard time influencing or leading others effectively.  As a manager, you’ll be the pointy-haired boss.
Yeah, emotional intelligence is a big deal.
It’s a key for leaders and it’s a key for leadership.  Whether it’s self-leadership, or leading others, emotional intelligence picks up where other intelligence leaves off.  To put it another way …
“”No one cares how much you know until they first know how much you care about them.” (See The Only Management Strategy You’ll Ever Need)
In the book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Stephen Covey acknowledges that there’s a lack of literature on how to develop emotional intelligence, and shares an approach for how to develop emotional intelligence using the 7 Habits.

The Five Primary Components of Emotional Intelligence

Stephen Covey shares the five primary components of emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness — The ability to reflect on one’s own life, grow in self-knowledge, and use that knowledge to improve onseself and either consume or compentsate for weaknesses.
2. Personal Motivation — What really excites people — the vision, values, goals, hopes, desires, and passion that make up their priorities.
3. Self-Regulation — The ability to manage onseself twoard achieving one’s vision and values.
4. Empathy — The ability to see how other people see and feel about things.
5. Social Skills — How people resolve differences, solve problems, produce creative solutions, and interact optimally to further their joint purposes.

The 7 Habits and Principles

According to Stephen Covey, here is a simple look at the 7 Habits and the principles that they encapsulate:

Habit	Principle
Habit 1 – Be Proactive	Responsibility / Initiative
Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind	Vision / Values
Habit 3 – Put First Things First	Integrity / Execution
Habit 4 – Think Win-Win	Mutual Respect / Benefit
Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood	Mutual Understanding
Habit 6 – Synergize	Creative Cooperation
Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw	Renewal

Developing Emotional Intelligence Using the 7 Habits

Stephen Covey shares an approach to developing emotional intelligence using the 7 Habits outlines above:

Emotional Intelligence Component	Habit
Self-Awareness	Habit 1 – Be Proactive
Personal Motivation	Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind
Self-Regulation	Habit 3 – Put First Things First Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw
Empathy	Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Social Skills	Habit 4 – Think Win-Win Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood Habit 6 – Synergize

Practicing Your Emotional Intelligence with the 7 Habits

Here is a brief summary of how Stephen Covey says you can practice the 7 Habits to develop your emotional intelligence:

1. Self-Awareness – Covey says, “You are aware of the space between stimulus and response, you’re aware of your genetic, biological inheritance, your upbringing, and the environmental forces around you. … You  sense you are or can become the creative force of your own life.  This is your most fundamental decision.” Practice Habit 1 – Be Proactive.
2. Personal Motivation – Covey says, “… decide what your highest priorities, goals, and values are. … This decision to direct your own life is your primary decision.” Practice Habit 2 – Begin with the End in Mind.
3. Self-Regulation – Covey says, “ … once you decide what your priorities are, then you live by them; it is the habit of integrity, the habit of self-mastery, of doing what you intend to do; of living your values.  Then constantly renew yourself.  Execution strategies and tactical decisions are your secondary decisions.” Practice Habit 3 – Put First Things First and Habit 7 – Sharpen the Saw.
4. Empathy – Covey says, “It’s learning to transcend your own autobiography  and get into the head and hearts of other people.  It’s becoming socially sensitive and aware of the situation before attempting to be understood, influence others, or make decisions or judgments.” Practice Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.
5. Social Communication Skills – Covey says, “You think in terms of mutual benefit and mutual respect, you strive for mutual understanding in order to have creative cooperation.” Practice Habit 4 – Think Win-Win, Habit 5 – Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, and Habit 6 – Synergize.

One simple way you can practice each day is when you are talking.  See if you can echo back what you hear the other person say, in a way that they “feel” heard.  This is a big deal.  It’s not listening until you think you’ve heard them … it’s listening in a way where they *feel* you’ve heard them.
The difference, is all the difference.  That’s what this is about.http://sourcesofinsight.com/stephen-covey-on-developing-emotional-intelligence/

Personal Development-Self Awareness

7 Ways To Transform Your Goals Into Rock-Solid Systems

• Success Advice

by Scott L. Sind -

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You’ve been there.
Maybe you have unfinished novels scattered across your hard drive, or haven’t picked up your guitar in weeks, or have stopped practicing that new language you so desperately wanted to learn.
Goals are easy to conceptualize. It’s easy to convince yourself that this time it’s different.
But it still doesn’t work.
Why is it so hard to actually achieve the goals we set for ourselves? Why do so many of us fail?
Here’s a hint—it’s not about your level of commitment. That’s irrelevant.
When we set goals, we too often plunge head first into the deep end with our eyes on one thing only — the achievement itself.
This, my friend, is why you fail.
You’re approaching your goals the wrong way. Not only that, you’re choosing the wrong kinds of goals to begin with.
Here are 7 ways to transform your goals into rock solid systems.

1. Adopt a systems mindset

Focusing only on the achievement of your goal doesn’t give you the best chance of success.
Scott Adams, in his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, said that achievement-oriented people “exist in a state of continuous presuccess failure at best, and permanent failure at worst if things never work out.” What he means is that end-state thinking creates a division between progress and achievement.
In other words, if you aren’t winning, you’re failing.
A system is defined as “an organized, purposeful structure that consists of interrelated and interdependent elements.” A systems mindset shifts your thinking away from the end-state and lets you focus on your progress.
To skyrocket your chances of success, you have to be systems-oriented. And you must start with the right kinds of goals.

2. Get big with your goals! Forget being S.M.A.R.T.

Successful companies set long-term strategic goals, called BHAGs (Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals). Consider these classic examples:
• “Crush Adidas.” (Nike, 1960’s)
• “Every book, ever printed, in any language, all available in less than 60 seconds.” (Amazon)
• “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.” (JFK, 1961)
BHAGs are clear, compelling, represent a vision, and inspire tremendous effort.
My favorite example of a personal BHAG comes from Arnold Schwarzenegger before he was famous. When asked what he was going to do after his bodybuilding career was over, he said, “I’m going to be the number-one box office star in Hollywood.” How’s that for big?
S.M.A.R.T. goals (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Reasonable, and Time-bound) don’t inspire us the way BHAGs do. They are limiting and are often boring.
We need to allow more room in our lives for those BHAGs that excite us, that stimulate our success triggers and enable us to think more creatively about our futures.
When setting your goals, go big. Think BHAG.

3. Get strategic, and layer in your tactics

Strategy gives us the how behind an idea. It propels us forward and guides us where we need to go.
Strategic goals help us achieve our BHAGs because they drive everything we do.
Consider the BHAG, “To live a life of abundance, free of financial burden.” What could be one strategic goal that aligns with this BHAG? How about “make an extra $1000 a month?” Setting this strategic objective could help you achieve your vision of living abundantly.
Tactics, then, comprise the what behind our strategy. Tactics are the specific actions we take based on our strategic objectives.
In the example above, you could brainstorm specific actions to make an extra $1,000 a month — work overtime three days a week, sell one freelance article a week, or shop garage sales on weekends and sell items on eBay for a profit.
The tactics you implement support your strategic goals, which in turn align with and push you toward your BHAGs.
Break these tactics down even further into actionable components that can become habits. For your tactic of selling an article a week, start with a simple action to “write 200 words every day.” Pretty soon, this becomes a habit, and you’ve built a set of behaviors that link your habits to your tactics, your tactics to your strategy, and your strategy to your BHAG.
You’ve taken the initial steps to create a rock-solid system!
But we’re not done yet.

4. Set milestones and celebrate them

Rock-solid systems must contain benchmarks to gauge their effectiveness. How else will you know if your systems are working?
These could be time-bound, such as 30 days in, 90 days in, etc. Or they could be results driven, with intervals set at certain waypoints (5 pounds lost, 10 pounds lost, $100 extra per month, etc.).
How you set your milestones is far less important than the fact that you set them to begin with. We must be able to measure ourselves against the progress we expect to achieve.
And when you reach a milestone, the first thing you should do is celebrate! Don’t let small wins pass you by.
Every gain, no matter how incremental, is movement in the right direction. I can’t emphasize this point enough. If you don’t make the effort to cheer for yourself, then I would question whether or not you’ve set the right goal or have a clear vision.

5. Assess your progress and don’t be afraid to pivot.

If your system isn’t working, whether you scrap it or tweak it is up to you. If the probability of reaching your next milestone is low, you might need to make some significant adjustments.
Perfectly fine.
One of the beautiful things about systems is that they’re flexible. If something isn’t working, try a different approach.
Entrepreneurs do this quite well. It’s commonplace to hear of serial entrepreneurs who failed miserablyhttp://addicted2success.com/success-advice/7-ways-to-transform-your-goals-into-rock-solid-systems/ time and again until they implemented the right system.
This is another reason why I love BHAGs. They help me keep my eye on the prize and worry less about the small stuff.

6. Get an accountability partner (or team) and solicit feedback.

One pair of hands alone can’t build rock-solid systems. Sometimes we just need someone to push us.
If you work alone, you know how easy it is to anchor yourself on one concept or idea.
We create more value when we’re able to share our thoughts and ideas with others.
An accountability partner or team can be like your own personal board of directors. They have your best interests at heart, and if you have a great partner, they won’t hesitate to tell you when something is broken.
So outline your system for a trusted friend or mentor and ask, “What do you think?” And check in with them on a regular basis.
I guarantee you’ll get better results.

7. Focus on the journey

With systems-oriented thinking, you will not have immediate gratification. And that’s okay. Working towards BHAGs are about pushing yourself, immersing yourself in your values and working toward your envisioned future.
Systems force you to focus on your journey and help you build habits that align with your goals. And once you’ve built those systems, you will never worry about achieving your goal—because you will!
The system won’t allow you to fail.
You now have a framework for building rock-solid systems, but the rest is up to you. It isn’t enough to just read these steps, nod your head in agreement and move onto another topic.
It’s true – setting goals and implementing rock-solid systems is a lot of work. But the payoffs are worth ten times that effort.
Achieving your goals feels great. Building systems that take you beyond your goals feels even better.
Rock-solid systems are life changing. If you’re willing to put in the hours, you’ll become a goal-getting machine.
When will you start?  http://addicted2success.com/success-advice/7-ways-to-transform-your-goals-into-rock-solid-systems/

A Guide to Setting Long-Term Goals in Life

Posted by Donald Latumahina

A while back I wrote an article about Grit is defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals,” and it’s a common trait amongst great people. Read their biographies and you will see that they all have grit.
From the definition, you can see that an essential component of grit is having long-term goals. Why? Because you must have something to strive towards. You must have something that you want to achieve. Without long-term goals, there is no grit.

Why You Should Have Long-Term Goals

Here are the benefits of having long-term goals:
1. Your life will be exciting.
Can you imagine playing basketball without the basket? It would be boring, right? Similarly, your life would be boring if you didn’t have something to strive towards. Goals make your life exciting.
2. You can make decisions more easily.
Since you know where you are going, it will be easier for you to decide whether something is worth doing or not. You will have clarity when making decisions.
3. You can achieve something great.
Achieving something great takes time. Building
 might take years. Without long-term goals, you will only have infrequent, sporadic effort.

How to Set Long-term Goals

Now that we have seen the benefits of having long-term goals, let’s see how to set them. Here are a few guidelines to follow:
1. Realize that it’s a process.
Setting goals – especially long-term ones – takes time. It’s not something you can accomplish in one day. So take your time. There is no need to rush.
2. Match the goals with your strengths.
It’s important that you match your goals with your strengths. Your goals must be within your circle of competence. Taking multiple intelligence tests can help you find your strengths.
3. Set audacious goals.
Don’t waste your time with small goals. Your life is too precious for that. Instead, set the so-called  Your goals should be realistic, but they should also be challenging.
Rick Warren said that many people overestimate what they can do in one year, but underestimate what they can do in ten. The lesson? Go big with your long-term goals.
4. Have a strong “why”.
You have to overcome many obstacles in the pursuit of your goals. That’s why you must have a strong “why”.
Have a mission you believe in. It will sustain you through difficult times.
5. Start with a draft.
You don’t need to be perfect the first time, but you still need to start with something. So set some goals to start with. Find something in the intersection between your strengths, passions, and aspirations.
6. Adjust over time.
When you use a camera, the picture might seem blurry at first. But – as you adjust the focus – it will become sharp and in focus.
Similarly, your goals might seem blurry in the beginning, but as you keep moving in that direction – they will get sharper and sharper. You will have better clarity over what you want to achieve, as well as when and how.
A practice I find useful is to write down all the ideas I get along the way. That helps me adjust my direction.
***
http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2014/11/18/long-term-goals-in-life/

8 Truths to Conquering Indecision

Are you stuck by indecision? Is it driving you a little crazy?
You know what I mean…thinking and more thinking, should I, shouldn’t I, what do I do, what would happen if… It usually results in a lot of aggravation and sleepless nights.
Yeah, I’ve been there too and it’s agonizing!
Want to be more decisive? 
Great, then keep reading!
You make thousands of decisions everyday: what to wear, what to eat, which way to go, who to talk to, on and on.  So, why do some decisions stop you in your tracks?
Fear!  Fear of change, of failure and of humiliation.
For many years I struggled making big decisions. I wanted everything to turn out perfect… at least my version of perfect. I was afraid of failure which trapped me in the ‘what if’ scenario.
Then things changed!
I can’t totally recall when I realized that decisions were only choices and I had control over them. But when I did it, my life shifted from  being indecisive to decisive.
Here are the 8 truths about decisions that changed my life:
1. There are no right or wrong decisions. A decision is only a decision! It can’t be right or wrong.  Only when you begin to personalize it with your thoughts, does it become right or wrong. Take this decision for example: Should you apply for that new position? It depends on your perception the position and what it means to you. Everyone would view this situation from a different perspectives. It is only your thoughts of desirable or not that create the conflict. The only decision you have to make is apply or not.
2. It’s okay to change your mind. No decision is set in stone.  Every decision you make can be replaced by another. Recall this saying: “If you don’t make the right decision, you can make the decision right.” Things change, we change, therefore it would be foolish to assume a decision is forever or that it can’t be changed.
3. Time erases memory. A month from now you may not even remember agonizing over this decision. In a year, you won’t remember making the decision.  If this is the case, why waste time and energy being stuck in indecisions?  Make a decision, see what happen and adjust as you go. It is all part of the flow of life.
4. A decision doesn’t need to be perfect. There is no way that you can predict all that might happen in the future. Knowing that the future can change in an instant should make you wonder how you could even consider a decision to be perfect. You can only make the best choice at this moment. Change is the only certainty in life. It is so much easier to accept it and work with it rather against it.
5. The worst that can happen. How many times have you imagined the worst possible scenario related to a decision and how many times has it come true? I would venture to guess…never!  Your imagination can create all sorts of obstacles and disasters. It is up to you to slay these imaginary dragons by keeping to the facts. Only you have the power to tame your thoughts.
6. It’s all about action. You know it, the ‘to do or not to do’ question. Indecision is about something blocking your ability to take action.  Have you ever noticed that as soon as you’ve made a decision things begin to move? Taking a step in the direction you want to go is enough to clear the blocks.
7. No decisions is a decision!  William James said, “When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is in itself a choice.”  If you are not ready to choose by default then go ahead and flip a coin to make a decision.  Any action is better than no action.
8. Lack of direction. When you have a clear idea of whwhen you lack ere you are going and what you want there is less indecision. It is difficult to know what to choose direction and you may lose the advantage. As Maurice Switzer states, “Indecision has often given an advantage to the other fellow because he did his thinking beforehand.”
Making decisions has become so much easier for me when I remember that much of my dilemma is of my own making.
It is so freeing knowing that there are no right or wrong decisions, that I can change my decision at any time, and that my imagination creates most of my obstacles and movement always removes indecision. This helps me to get out of my own way to move forward.
How do you overcome indecision and move forward?http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/8-truths-to-conquering-indecision/